“I appreciate that you’re all here to talk about these scripture passages and to think about what to do with LGBT people in the church,” said a gay high school senior at the all-church meeting. “But I have to remind you that we’re already here. Just remember in all your debates you’re talking about real people. You’re talking about me.” You could hear a pin drop after that brave young man spoke up.
I had the privilege of being there for that moment at what was called a congregational ‘town hall’ for an evangelical church in Southern California. This was at a mid-journey check in to process some of the work their discernment team had done around LGBTQ inclusion, and it helped keep everyone engaged and up to date.
This is neither easy nor safe, but it is still essential.
Stage 4 on your church’s discovery journey around LGBTQ questions is to engage the congregation in the process. This is neither easy nor safe, but it is still essential.
Different churches have managed this stage in different ways. Some bring in the congregation at the beginning of the process. Some wait until the end.
Starting from the Beginning
Often there’s plenty of ‘noise in the system’ which is what starts a church on its discovery journey. Kids have come out in the youth group. A choir member starts dating someone of the same sex. An LGBTQ family shows up at church. Whatever the cause(s), the conversations are now happening, so leadership has to do something. And since there’s noise in the system, the whole congregation will need to know that the church is going on a discovery journey.
Reduce anxiety, increase transparency, and allow for appropriate input.
Generally it’s wisest to inform the congregation early that the church will be going on a discovery journey. Of course, it’s best to do so in ways that reduce anxiety, increase transparency, and allow for appropriate input. Leading this stage well can increase trust and ownership in a process that’s very tricky to navigate. (And, of course, there will still be bumps on the road).
One of the added benefits of communicating early is that it can help clarify the nuances and diversity of perspectives in the congregation that need to be taken into consideration.
Here is a sampling of tools to engage congregations in helpful ways.
- The Survey – HERE is the online survey that one midsized church used at the beginning of its process to get a feel for the congregation’s thoughts and feelings about LGBTQ inclusion.
- The Assessment – HERE is a tool for your discernment team to get a sense of where your church falls across the spectrum of approaches to LGBTQ inclusion.
- The One-on-One – HERE is a standard form that churches have adapted to help their discernment teams actively listen to the congregation.
- The Update – HERE is a very thoughtful pastoral update sent midway through a multicultural church’s LGBTQ discovery journey.
Telling the Congregation at the End
Some churches choose to wait until their team has finalized their position before they tell the congregation. This is not our preferred approach because it doesn’t give the congregation the opportunity to share in the learning and growth or to feel heard and cared for along the way. Michael Hidalgo of Denver Community Church said,
“We did not overtly tell the congregation the elders were having this conversation - that was the biggest mistake we made in our whole process.”
The majority of churches who choose to expose the congregation to these conversations at the end of their process typically adopt the more traditional position. Perhaps an elder team or a pastoral team decides they want to articulate their position, so they work on it for a season. Then, after they’re done, they tell the congregation what they have decided. Usually they’ve decided upfront to reinforce the position they started with (rather than exploring different options), but this is not always the case.
Currently we’re working with a church whose elder team did all their discernment before communicating to the congregation. They decided on a Third Way* approach and they are now determining how to communicate that.
Fears of Loss, Hopes of Gain
There is often real intensity at the moment when an evangelical congregation finds out that their church is going to talk about LGBTQ inclusion. There are horror stories of this process splitting churches and crashing budgets, and these are not without warrant. But increasingly common are stories of deepening relationships across difference and hopes for greater missional effectiveness.
When it comes to telling your congregation, there are better ways, and there are worse. Choose the better!
So much depends on how the leadership handles the process. When it comes to telling your congregation, there are better ways, and there are worse. Choose the better! If you’re not sure which ways are better and worse, feel free to reach out to us for some coaching.
*Third Way refers to a theological position that embraces a spectrum of belief within church leadership and/or the congregation. Most often it includes allowing pastors to perform gay marriages or not (according to their conscience) and allows for LGBTQ people to be involved in all of church life. It also allows for those who are not affirming to remain in leadership and not to be condemned.to build a discernment team, train that team, and resource the team with appropriate curriculum. You can learn more HERE.
-Bill
Read the next post in this series: Stage 5 (Study)