"Being right is really expensive and way overrated. Being right often causes pain. Being right damages relationships.”
- Sam Ardery
Being Right
When it comes to interpreting scripture (including LGBTQ questions), many churches pride themselves in getting it right. There are a few major difficulties with that approach.
I realize the greatest threat to my faith is not my doubt. It is my desire for certainty. Faith is not about being certain or right. It is trusting the truth that God’s love and grace remains even when my faith leaves.”
-Dante Stewart
First, being right often hurts people. When we're certain our perspective is right, we often stop listening — and that’s a quick way to create distance in a relationship. Of course, this doesn’t mean there are not better and worse interpretations of scripture or that we should just throw up our hands and say it doesn’t matter. Absolutely not! But that’s a false dichotomy. There’s an ocean’s width between unexamined certainty and humble conviction.
And as it turns out, curiosity is often a pathway to connection, whereas certainty is not. As one minister puts it, “The older I get, the more I realize the greatest threat to my faith is not my doubt. It is my desire for certainty. Faith is not about being certain or right. It is trusting the truth that God’s love and grace remains even when my faith leaves” (Dante Stewart). Certainty leaves little room for trust, for relationship.
Second, being right doesn’t line up with reality. The fact that there are 40,000 denominations and counting (a group split off from my own denomination last year to form 40,001) is irrefutable evidence that Jesus-loving, Scripture-following Christians disagree. The vast majority hold to core beliefs about deity of Christ, the authority of scripture, and the love of God. But when it comes to end times and baptism, the ordination of women or gays, the morality of musical instruments and drinking alcohol, and hundreds of other issues, there is nothing close to consensus. While the work of interpreting scripture is not a science, it is indeed an empirical, scientific conclusion that we disagree.
Third, it’s so darn hard to prove you are right. In his masterful book, Slaves, Women, and Homosexuals, William Webb lays out 6 major and 12 minor principles for interpretation – but he can’t solve the calculus of which ones should take precedence in any given passage. Plus there’s the tellsign: each of us have changed our views about a passage or theological issue we once felt sure about, hinting that our current convictions (and others’) might not be as unshakeable as we think. And then there’s that tricky thing called “experience” – what do you do when someone encounters God in a way that convincingly leads them to see an issue or text differently than you? It’s very hard to argue against someone else’s story.
Honoring What May Be Reasonable
In a world where ‘judgmental’ is the first word associated with Christians, humility opens the possibility that we could connect across tribes and traditions.
Instead of trying to be right, what if we focused on what is reasonable? By reasonable, I mean granting that there may be perspectives that differ from our own which have solid reasoning - although it does not convince us, we recognize that it could well convince others, not because they are stupid or foolish, but because they give weight to different approaches to the issue.
If we tried this perspective, here might be three ramifications.
First, we would have to be open and curious about the perspectives of others. Preston Sprinkle in his helpful book, Does the Bible Support Same-Sex Marriage (his answer is ‘no,’ by the way) establishes at the outset two core approaches to these conversations:
- First, be willing to rethink your point of view. This is incredibly difficult—some might say risky—but it should be a no-brainer. I mean, if you’re not willing to rethink your view, why would you expect someone else to rethink theirs?
- Second, be a genuinely curious person. Being curious about another person’s point of view—genuinely curious—is essential if we ever want that person to actually consider our point of view. If we’re actually more concerned with the truth than we are with defending ourselves, we should be eager to consider other points of view.
Second, our newfound humility may just give us the strength to stay in relationship with others. In a world where ‘judgmental’ is the first word associated with Christians, humility opens the possibility that we could connect across tribes and traditions. Christians might become known for their love instead of their divisiveness.
Third, we would need to count the cost. It’s hard work to enter into genuine dialogue across differences, granting the real possibility that our conversation partner may have something to teach us. And there’s the emotional work of accepting that our interpretation of God’s Word may need adjustment.
The generous attitudes of humility and curiosity are sacrificial. It is emotionally inconvenient to lay down the comfort of existing in an echo chamber. We surrender the invigorating feeling of being better than, smarter than, and holier than. And we would need to embrace the reality that our conversation partner has had to make the same sacrifices.
An Example of Doing This Well
One of the things that we endeavor to do when wrestling with complex and potentially polarizing issues is not to respond with biblical proof-texting and over-simplistic thinking.
I wanted to end with an example. Recently I reached out to New Life Fellowship, where Rich Villodas pastors. I asked about their perspective on LGBTQ inclusion, and this was their response. I found it gracious, humble, and open – even while holding to their conviction.
New Life believes that every human being—including our LGBTQ+ friends, family members, neighbors, and everyone else—are image bearers of God and worthy of love, respect, and hospitality. As a church family we are deeply committed to initiating and maintaining conversations around these questions first from a posture of relationship before position. One of the things that we endeavor to do when wrestling with complex and potentially polarizing issues is not to respond with biblical proof-texting and over-simplistic thinking. We are called to live with humility and curiosity, discerning what discipleship to Jesus looks like for each person—no matter how one identifies. From a theological perspective, New Life holds to the historic, biblical understanding of marriage as between a man and a woman. We aspire for this conviction to be held with compassion and humility, as we recognize that many have come to a different conclusion on this matter.
So what if we shifted from trying to be right to trying to be reasonable? It would mean we’d actually have to enter into earnest conversation with others around uncomfortable topics. And yet it might actually demonstrate to the world the kind of Christian love that Jesus taught about.
-Bill
Reasonable vs. Right Reasonable vs. Right Reasonable vs. Right
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